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Shall a speech be spoke for my excuse? Or shall I on without apology?

Oh, what the hell . . .

This effort is the result of a foray of mine into the pages of AFF.net in search of some decent Pirates of the Caribbean erotica. Failing to find any of that, I ran a search on the name 'Thranduil' and located what looked to be a promising story, which alas, left me shaken rather than stirred.

After voicing my strong reservations to the author and being assured by both her and her numerous supporters that the fault lay in my own paucity of open-mindedness than any lack of virtue in the story itself, I came away resolved to attempt to do it better on my own. The result is the following modest tale.

Be warned; this is an unauthorized parody, but protected nonetheless by Fair Use. As a great man (now long passed beyond the Circles of This World) once said: "Those who believe in courtesy to certain living authors at least, will not touch this turkey with a ten foot battle lance." The rest of you might obtain some harmless mirth from it.

I fear that, sometimes, the tone may be a tad mean-spirited, however, I have endeavored to treat the author's vision with the same solemn degree of respect that was shown to JRR Tolkien and his beloved characters.

Further warning: Both this tale and the original are rated NC-17. If you are under age or sensitive to such material, do not enter. This parody, while done for purposes of humor, makes light of some extremely dark subjects and is absolutely, positively not to be taken seriously. Are we clear on this? If you read this, or the original, and you find yourself spending a boatload of gold on mental healers, do not come to me weeping your tears or waving your lawsuits!

This story was originally hosted at the Live Journal of a friend. However, having now set up a Journal of my own, I feel it is time to come out of the closet and take the heat for myself. If, after having read my charming and innocent tale and having been inspired to click on the link to the original, you feel that I have been unduly hard on it, you may feel free to express yourself -- even within these pages, which might normally be considered a private spot. Should you wish to contact the original author, please be polite, for it is not my intent to start a hate campaign. Bear in mind that criticism attacks a story while a flame attacks the person.

As for flaming ME -- go ahead. I have read enough badfic to realize that slander to my character is all too prevalent. I am used to it.

That said . . . on to the tale!

Chapter List:

Prologue: The Mysterious Strangers
Chapter 1: Curses And Questions
Chapter 2: Who?
Chapter 3: Manipulation
Chapter 4: Pains
Chapter 5: Decisions (Really Stupid Decisions)
Chapter 6: Buh Bye, Princess!
Chapter 7: Becoming Courtesan
Chapter 8: Lothlorien
Chapter 9: Faux Pas
Chapter 10: The Halls of the Elvenking
Chapter 11: Of Royal Oaks
Chapter 12: Quite A Stretch
Chapter 13: Swinging In the Trees
Chapter 14: The Lay of the Land
Chapter 15: More to Being A Courtesan Than Lying on Your Back
Chapter 16: More Questions
Chapter 17: Farewell To Glory
Chapter 18: Conflict With Sanity and Good Taste
Chapter 19: Party Crashers
Chapter 20: Honey, I Embarassed The Kid
Chapter 21: What Rough Beast?
Chapter 22: The Twisted Gyre
Chapter 23: The Circle Flies Apart
Chapter 24: Slouching Towards Erebor
Chapter 25: The Centre Cannot Hold
Chapter 26: The Ceremony of Innocence
Chapter 27: The Blood-dimmed Tide
Chapter 28: Some Revelation Is At Hand